


The R is for Rick

by Allen_Pierce



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:34:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allen_Pierce/pseuds/Allen_Pierce
Summary: No Rick's not tryin' to be rude,/But hey Morty he's peein' on you. . . . Not a slash fic.





	The R is for Rick

**Author's Note:**

> originally published on fanfiction.net

"Whoa, Rick! What the hell, man?" Morty cries from his seat on the toilet as Rick starts peeing on him. He had just barged right into the bathroom and started doing it like it was nothing, like that time he kicked in the door to Morty's room with all those mutated Hardee's burgers.

"Trust me Morty, this isn't a weird sex thing," says Rick as he continues to pee on Morty. "It's not my fault you're hogging the only bathroom. Just spread your legs and wait it out, I have good aim."

"This is sick! It's not just gross, it-it's wrong, morally. You're like R. Kelly!"

"It's just a health  **BURP**  thing, Morty." The pee keeps flowing and Morty feels a little bit splash up onto his ass. "The human bladder isn't a muscle, Morty, it wears out. It's not a good idea to 'just hold it.' Just, go with the flow, Morty."

"Th-that's not—"

"Just go with the flow and let me do this—"

"That's not the point, Rick! You could pee somewhere else! You kill all sorts of crap without a second thought, why not our grass, you know?"

"Because I'm not an animal, Morty. I mean, I am an animal, because all humans are just animals. But we're the best animals around, Morty! And part of that superiority is using toilets. We're the best species and anyone who claims otherwise is just playing coy at being self-deprecating—tryin-tryin' to have their cake and eat it too, Morty. Not like me, dawg, I keep it real. I'm upfront about my self-loathing." He closes his eyes and focuses; the intensity of the stream increases. "Peein' on my grandson, hahah!" He does a little fistpump with his free hand. "Except I'm really trying not to, in earnest, and I'm doing a pretty good job making it straight into the bowl when you don't squirm around like a little  **BURP** - _iiiiitch_."

Morty closes his eyes and turns his head, groaning, trying to think of anything else besides what's happening at this exact moment. The sound of pee hitting the water slows to a trickle and eventually stops. He opens one eye cautiously and through it sees Rick finally zipping up his pants.

"All right," said Rick, "hurry up, I got an adventure lined up and I'll need your help. I'll be waiting in the car." He steps through the bathroom door, turning off the light on his way.

"Aw jeez," says Morty, slightly wet, sitting alone in the dark.


End file.
